It was a cold December morning. Felix woke up at about five-thirty that day. It was still dark outside, similar to dusk, and everyone else was still fast asleep. He didn't care, though. He got dressed as quickly as he could with a broken arm and quietly went downstairs. Once he entered the parlor, he grabbed his coat and hat and went outside to watch the sunrise.
Felix sat down on a small bench located to the left of the front door. It's good to be home, he thought. At least he was finally away from all the killing and no longer had to watch his childhood friends and fellow soldiers die. He was no longer faced with that horror, which, to him, was a good thing. As he continued to think about the joys of being home again, Cecily came outside to join him on the porch. "What'cha thinking about?" she asked her big brother.
He turned to face his younger sister. "Nothing much; it just feels good to be home, that's all," he replied.
"May I sit with you?"
"Sure."
Cecily sat down next to Felix and looked out at the open sky. The sun was barely peaking out where the heavens and the earth supposedly met over the horizon. "Isn't it beautiful?" she wondered.
"Yeah. I wish I got to see more of it while I was away. Most times I was either too busy sleeping or advancing to notice."
"Were you scared when you were in Europe?"
"Yeah. I don't really want to talk about it."
"You know, you should, but if you're not ready, I understand. What are you gonna do now that you're home?"
"I don't know. I'll probably see if Mr. Tremayne will give me my old job back at the White Sands. I mean, I've got nothing else to do, right?"
"Do you know you're going to be an uncle in June? Felicity's pregnant. She's also taking courses so she can teach this little girl, Alice, to communicate with everyone. Maybe we'll get to meet Alice sometime; she lives in Carmody right now."
"But won't Felicity have her hands full? She's going to have a baby, she's going to take courses, she's got the Foundling Home--"
"Not anymore, Felix," Cecily interrupted. "It turns out the Deans have an uncle and aunt in Fredericton. The Dean children moved there, and Felicity had to sell the Foundling Home. That's why she's staying here."
"Where's Gus?"
"In Halifax working with the Naval Office, sending telegrams and such."
"Oh my God! Did I miss anything else?"
"The Pettibones moved to Halifax. All but Arthur and Izzy, that is. He's in Charlottetown interning at the hospital there; he's attending medical school now. Izzy visited him during Thanksgiving, and now she's in Halifax visiting her parents and Morgan. She'll be coming home soon, in time for New Year's Eve. I might telephone her later today. Maybe you can say hello and surprise her."
"Did she know I was listed missing?"
"Yeah. I called her the day we found out. She was devastated, but hopeful you would come home. In the meantime, I'm glad you're home."
"Me too."
They hugged each other and continued to watch the sun come up. As it did, Felicity came outside and joined them on the porch. "Isn't it beautiful?" she said to no one in particular.
"Definitely," Felix and Cecily replied simultaneously.
"Come on, you two. Let's go for a walk."
The threesome left the porch and walked toward the small, frozen pond near the house. It looked like an enormous color palette as the pinks, yellows, and oranges in the sky reflected off the icy surface. This was the same place where, as children, they swam in the summer and ice skated in the winter. "Lots of old memories here," Felix remembered, "like the hockey game."
"Or when I threw you in, Felix," Felicity added.
"I don't remember that," Cecily remarked.
"You were only a couple of years old at the time, Cecily. Felix and I came out her to play one day. He did something to me that made me mad--I don't remember what it was--so I pushed him into the pond. The bad part was he couldn't swim yet, so I had to jump in and save him. Our clothes were soaked after that. We walked into the house, our clothes still soaking wet, and Mother threw a fit! She said, 'You and Felix march upstairs right now and change your clothes! Then you come right back here and explain yourselves.'
"We did so, and after we told Mother what happened, she was hysterical!"
"Did you two get in trouble?"
"No, but we had to clean the floor in the parlor. At least Mother didn't send us to our rooms without supper or anything."
"Thank God for that," Felix added, "and be thankful Father was in Charlottetown that day, or he would've had our hides!"
He and Felicity laughed. Cecily didn't understand, but to her it was alright. The day at the pond was their moment. As the three older siblings continued to reminisce, Daniel came outside, ran down to the pond, and said, "Father says you three have to do your chores now. 'Sides, all three of you are gonna be busy today."
Daniel was right. The four siblings walked to the barn to do their chores. Meanwhile, in the back of Felix's mind, amid all his childhood memories, Elbert and the nightmares of the war were still heavy there.
* * * * *
Felix decided to visit Cecily at the telegraph office later that day, since he had nothing else to do, and he just wanted to get out of the house. When he entered, he asked his younger sister, "Do you mind if I stay here for a while?"
"I don't mind; I could use the company."
He pulled up a chair that was sitting by the door and sat next to Cecily at her desk. "How has it been going?" he asked.
"Slow. Have you talked to Mr. Tremayne yet?"
"Yeah. I'm starting tomorrow. For some reason, he seemed relieved that I was home."
Suddenly, a message began to come in. Felix sat there in silence as Cecily wrote it down. "Who's it from?" he asked.
"Just a second, Felix," she replied as she continued to write the message. Afterward, she read it to herself, smiling. "It's from Izzy," she told him.
"Will you read it to me?"
"Yeah."
It read:
Dear Cecily,I'm glad you had a great Christmas. I miss Avonlea dearly, so I'm coming home tomorrow. Meet me at the train station at 4:30. Love you.
--Izzy P.
Felix's face beamed with pleasure; his one true love was coming home. However, a couple of seconds later, his face straightened up; all happiness was gone. He told his sister, "I don't want her to know."
"What? What are you talking about, Felix?"
"I don't want her to know what I went through over there. She's not going to know, and I don't want any of you to know, either!"
"Felix--"
"No, Cecily! It'll only make it worse."
"Felix King--"
It was already too late. Felix left the telegraph office in a huff. Cecily turned toward the door, stunned. He must have seen something horrible, she thought. I must warn Izzy.
She took out a piece of paper and wrote a message on it, in tears. She couldn't stand seeing her older brother in such pain and such turmoil. She didn't have a choice; she needed to inform Izzy. Her message read:
To: Miss Isolde Pettibone, Halifax, Nova Scotia, CanadaDear Izzy,
I'm glad to hear you're returning home. Have some good news and some bad news. Felix is home too; he came back on Christmas Eve, but he's been acting very strange. Something must have happened while he was in Europe. He seems like he's in distress. I just thought I should warn you. Maybe you can help him out when you get home. He doesn't want it, but he needs it. I don't want what happened to him over there to consume him like Mother was consumed when he was listed missing in action. (I won't get into that.)
I will see you tomorrow. Love you too.
--Cecily King
Cecily sent her message right away. When she finished, she went to get her family's mail. In the King mailbox were some simple things--bills and such--and a letter from Gus for Felicity. There was another letter there that was addressed to Cecily herself, but there was no return address on it. She decided to open it when she got home. She put all the letters in her coat pocket, left the post office, and went back to work.
* * * * *
"I don't get it, Andrew," Felicity said to her cousin on the phone. "Why is Felix acting so distraught?"
Sure, Andrew was in Halifax, but that wouldn't stop him from advising his cousin. "He's been through hell, Felicity. He needs your help to get through it. He needs to know he's not alone in this."
"Thanks. Are you going to come home soon?"
"I don't know. Let me know how New Year's goes."
"Same with you. I'll see you later."
"Okay; bye."
Felicity hung up the phone. As she began to get engrossed in her thoughts, Felix came into the house. "Hello, Felix," she said as he went upstairs.
She followed him into his room, where he got out a suitcase and packed some of his clothes in it. "What are you doing, Felix King?" she asked with an angry, surprised tone.
"Stay out of this, Felicity. Please."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm staying at the lighthouse for a few days. I need to be alone."
Felicity sighed. "You're acting like a coward, Felix."
"Felicity Pike! I am not--"
"It's true. You've got to face this sometime, you know. I'll be there for you; we all will. You can't do this alone; I'm not going to let you."
"It's not up to you to help me, Felicity. You don't understand what happened over there. You'll never know!"
"You're right; I don't understand it. However, I've seen and experienced pain. Gus almost never came back because he was afraid. Mother stayed in her room for days after we found out you were missing. Not only that; I watched my best friend die. So don't presume to tell me I don't know pain."
"That's all different."
"Felix--"
He walked out of the room, suitcase in hand. Felicity ran downstairs, but she was too late. Felix was already out the door. How could he be so stubborn? she thought. He must have experienced something horrible. I wonder if Izzy knows.
Before she could get her coat and hat, Cecily walked into the house. "Where were you going, Felicity?" she asked.
"Actually, I was going to see you. Have you noticed Felix acting strange lately?"
"I have. I sent a telegram to Izzy earlier. Where is Felix?"
"On his way to the lighthouse. He said he wanted to be alone."
"Oh my God. Should we go get him?"
"Not yet. He's probably met up with Aunt Hetty now. Maybe she'll set him right."
"I hope so."
* * * * *
Felix continued to walk to the lighthouse. He would have taken his horse, Prince, but because of his arm and the suitcase, he decided to walk instead. On his way, he saw Hetty exit Rose Cottage. "Hello, Felix," she said from the porch. "Could you help me for a minute? I need firewood."
"Aunt Hetty, I have a bad arm, remember?"
"Bad arm, my auntie. Get over here and help me! I can't do this myself."
"Fine; I'll help you."
He and Hetty went around to the back of the house. He set his suitcase down near the front door on the way there. To the best of his ability, he gathered a couple of large pieces of firewood and took them into the house through the side door. "How come you're carrying a suitcase with you?" she asked as placed the wood in the wood basket. "Are you leaving again?"
"Don't start with me, Aunt Hetty," he replied as he went back outside. "I've gotten it from Felicity and Cecily; I don't need it from you as well."
"Need what? What's going on, Felix?"
He took a couple more pieces of wood inside and said, "I was on my way to the lighthouse. I'm staying there for a few days."
"Are you coming back to the White Sands?"
"Yeah. Just because I'm going away doesn't mean I'm not going to work."
"That's good. If you like, you may borrow my sleigh. It might help, you know."
"Thanks. I'll hitch it up now."
He went to the barn and hitched up the sleigh. Afterward, he drove it up to the front of Rose Cottage. "One thing, though, Aunt Hetty. How are you going to get everywhere? You can't drive yourself, especially with your back."
"I'm not going anywhere until New Year's Eve. I'm not taking the risk. If I do have to go somewhere, I'll ask your father or someone else to give me a ride. Don't worry about me, Felix dear. I'll be fine. Thank you for the help; you may go now."
Felix drove off toward the lighthouse. Hetty stood in her walkway watching him curiously. I wonder if he's really alright? I should go see Alec and Janet, she thought to herself.
She carefully began the short walk to King Farm. Sure, her back was still giving her grief, but she needed to know what was going on. On her way, Alec approached her from his barn. "Hetty! What are you doing? You shouldn't be doing this in your condition!"
"I know, Alec, but I need to speak with you."
"Oh. Let's go up to the house."
Alec escourted his older sister up to the house. When they got there, they went into the parlor, where Felicity and Cecily were sitting.
"Aunt Hetty!" Cecily exclaimed. "To coin a phrase, have you taken leave of your senses?"
"I must talk to your father, Cecily. Will you and Felicity please go upstairs?"
"Sure."
Cecily and Felicity left the parlor and, instead of going upstairs, sat near the top of the stairs. This way they would know what was being said. Soon, Janet entered the house with Eliza and Daniel. They went into the parlor, astonished. "What are you doing here, Hetty? Shouldn't you be at home resting?" Janet wanted to know.
"I needed to talk to your husband. You might want to hear this, too, Janet. Eliza, maybe you should take Daniel upstairs."
Instead of going upstairs, Eliza and Daniel went into the kitchen, so she could make herself some tea and listen to the conversation conspicuously. "Alright, Hetty," said Alec. "What is it?"
"It's about Felix. He's going to the lighthouse to be alone. Have any of you noticed him acting strange lately?"
"Not that I've seen."
"No," Janet commented.
"Yes, he has, Aunt Hetty," Felicity said from the stairs.
"I thought you went upstairs!" Alec exclaimed. "I should have known you would be listening in."
"Why don't you tell us about how he's been acting, Felicity?" Hetty suggested.
Felicity joined her parents and aunt, but not without bringing Cecily with her. "Cecily would tell you the same thing. He won't talk to me, especially not about what happened. He seemed fine earlier, but now he seems withdrawn."
"Cecily?"
"I got a telegram from Izzy today," she began. "Felix was there when I received it. When I read it to him, he seemed happy, as if he was excited to hear from her, but then he told me he didn't want her to know about what happened over there, and he didn't want me or any of you to know, either. Plus, earlier this morning I asked him if he was scared when he was in Europe, and he said he didn't want to talk about it."
"Did you warn Izzy?" asked Janet.
"Immediately. She's coming home on the four-thirty train. I said I would meet her at the station."
"Good. You should take her to Felix after she comes home," Hetty told her younger niece.
"I have an idea. We'll talk about this more later. Felicity, help me with supper, will you?" Janet said. "Would you like to join us, Hetty?"
"I'd love to. Thank you, Janet."
* * * * *
Izzy sat in her bedroom at her parent's house in Halifax, bawling her eyes out. It saddened her to know that her one true love was in so much pain, and she didn't understand what caused it all. She wanted to know what horrible thing happened in Europe to make him act this way. She got her diary out and began to write in it, with more tears about to flow from her rosy cheeks.
She wrote:
December 26, 1914
I informed Cecily that I'm coming home to Avonlea tomorrow. She wrote me back saying Felix is back as well, but he had begun to act very strange. He wouldn't say anything about what happened when he was over there. Maybe Cecily thinks my return will help him get over his pain. I hope it does, because it makes me torn to see him hurting.I also saw Gus Pike today. He's been very busy lately with the Naval telegraphy. He told me Felicity's pregnant and she's going to get a new job. She will be teaching a little girl, Alice, sign language, while taking courses on it herself by correspondence. She doesn't start until after the holidays, but at least Felicity will have something to do, since the Foundling Home is no more. Gus also said he'd be coming home this summer, so he can be with Felicity when the baby is born.
As for Felix, I can only hope and pray that he returns to normal soon. I have a lot of packing to do; tomorrow is going to be a long, busy day.
Izzy Pettibone, Age 19
She wiped her eyes with a handkerchief and got a suitcase out from under the bed. She opened it and commenced packing. She kept hope, though. She had to; she owed Felix that much. She also knew she had to be strong, not only for him, but for herself as well. Izzy's strength might be what he needed to overcome his pain and erase the memories of the war.
* * * * *
Felix finally reached the lighthouse late in the afternoon. He parked the sleigh next to it, then grabbed his suitcase and went to the door. Since his right arm was still broken, he had to put the suitcase on the ground to open the door. After he got in--case included--he set it down near the bed on the left-hand side of the door.
The lighthouse had everything there that someone would need if they were staying there--a stove, a sink, an outhouse with a shower nearby, and, of course, lights. There was no electricity, but there were several lanterns and several boxes of matches. There wasn't even a telephone there--good because then nobody would bother him, yet bad because he couldn't get in touch with anyone if he needed something, if there was a problem, or if someone had to get in touch with him. Felix could handle that, though.
He went over to the stove to see what was there for cooking utensils and pots and pans. There was plenty there for him to work with. Of course he would have to get some food and other supplies tomorrow so he could make his own breakfast and supper. He could eat lunch at the White Sands or at home if he wanted. There was nothing wrong with that.
That night, Janet came to the lighthouse with some supper--fried chicken, corn, and biscuits. When she got there, she asked, "Are you settled in yet?"
"Pretty much," he answered as he took the plate from his mother. Then went over to the table, accompanied by her. "How did you know I was here?"
"Felicity and Cecily--mostly Felicity. Besides, you didn't take any food with you. I know, because I checked the kitchen. Your aunt Hetty was over today. She was worried about you; we're all worried about you."
"Mother, you've got nothing to worry about. I just need to be alone for a while."
"I just want you to know that we're there for you. I love you, Felix."
"I love you, too, but you're not helping. That, and you don't know what it was like over there."
"You're right; I don't." Then she took a deep breath and added, "I have to go. Cecily's waiting for me outside. Take care of yourself, you hear?"
"I'll be fine, Mother. Really. You go on home."
"Okay. Good night, Felix dear."
"Good night."
They got up from the table and hugged. Janet left after that, and Felix sat back down to finish his supper. However, he had no idea what the night would bring him.
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