Daisy: We're almost there, Pete, did you bring the flashlight with you?
Pete: Yes Daisy, I did. (He is looking around anxiously.) I thought you said once that you didn't like poking around in other people's closets; I don't think this is such a good idea.
Daisy: Nonsense! You know it's getting more and more difficult to communicate with the boss, especially when it's about something--
Pete (sighing heavily): I wish I could believe that...what if somebody finds us here? Then we'll be in REALLY big trouble!
Daisy (striving for calm): Now Pete, you know as well as I that the cleaning people have already left for the night; we're the only ones in the building! Just keep a lookout while I'm working, and leave the rest to me.
Pete: This place sure looks different at night. (Beat.) Well, here's his office. Now what? You can't get in without a security code.
Daisy (smiling) I know. (She is calmly punching the numbers into the box.) "Access granted!"
Pete: Hey! How'd you get the code? The boss doesn't let anybody else use his password!
Daisy: I have my methods. Now, here's where the flashlight comes in. (Daisy takes out a small pocket flashlight.)
Pete: You brought one too? I thought we only needed this one.
Daisy: We need both of 'em. I'll need you to shine yours into the video camera, while I use mine to disable it. Then we can work undetected, and leave without anyone the wiser about our being here!
Pete: Daisy, I'm telling you, we're taking a big risk! They say that somebody's been wandering the halls late at night here, the janitor last week said he even heard somebody moaning and banging around...gave him the creeps!
Daisy: Ghost stories, Pete, like the ones we used to tell around the campfire. Nothing and nobody else is here tonight, alright? Now, we're going in...one, two, three...
Pete (defeated): I have a bad feeling about this...
(45 minutes later...)
Pete: Daisy, I think I heard something; we'd better leave!
Daisy: Pete, you've said that about half a dozen times already, I'm almost done here...you know, I've never seen such meticulous account keeping in my life! There are a couple of letters here too that might prove to be...
(Both hear a dull thud.)
Pete (whispering fiercely): Daisy!!
Daisy: Shush! I heard it! (Several beats.) I don't hear it anymore...must've been something shifting.
Pete (unconvinced): Or someone.
Daisy: Alright now, that's enough! Let me just put these papers in my bag, and take off my gloves; then we can...
(They hear a grunt, followed by another thud.)
Pete: Somebody's coming!
Daisy: Quiet!! Turn off the flashlights! And hand me yours, would you?
Pete: What are you going to do? Shouldn't we just hide until he goes away?
Daisy: He's coming to the door, and there's no time to hide! (She grabs the flashlight and hefts it above her head.) Get ready to run, Pete.
Pete: "Are you crazy??!!"
Daisy: Yes! Shhh!! Here he comes...
(The intruder opens the door, whereupon Daisy bashes him soundly with the heavy flashlight.)
Intruder: Ough!!....Oh my....ungh....what the?? Hey!! HEY!!! COME BACK HERE!!!!
Pete (running for dear life): Daisy!! Do you know who that was??
Daisy (at his heels): Pete!! As a general rule of thumb, one doesn't stop to find out whom one has just assaulted when he's chasing after us! Now RRRRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!
(The next morning, in the studio...)
Daisy: "Good morning everyone! I'm pleased to be back in the studio once more, after a lengthy absence. I hope you all enjoyed your respective summer vacations, and now that the school year is once more upon us, I find it most apropos that our guest today was at one time a teacher himself, Mr. Clive Pettibone! Mr. Pettibone, thank you for joining us this morning!
CP (brusquely): Your servant, ma'am.
Daisy (faltering momentarily): Er...yes, quite. Now then, Mr. Pettibone, I'd like to discuss your arrival in Avonlea, and your subsequent position as the town's new school teacher.
CP: Discipline, Ms. Morris! A complete lack of discipline in those wild, rebellious youngsters! That's just the sort of thing that the army does away with; order, decorum, civilized behaviour, and absolute obedience to authority are the ONLY methods with which one can run a classroom, as you no doubt are aware, Ms. Morris.
Daisy (a bit reluctantly): Well...yes, Mr. Pettibone, it's true those ARE very...
CP: Precisely! I'm sure you observe the same methods of approach yourself; I understand you are a parent, Ms. Morris.
Daisy: Yes, Mr. Pettibone; I have three children, just as you do, but...there are times when the reins should be relaxed just slightly, for the sake of creativity and individual expression...
CP (regarding Daisy sternly): Have you ever been to the Punjab, Ms. Morris?
Daisy (shifting a bit uncomfortably): Well, no, Mr. Pettibone...besides, I hardly think that's relevant to the conversation...
CP: Oh, but it is, Ms. Morris! Do you know what slackening the reins will get you in the Punjab? Injury or death; the enemy is constantly about, and one must be ever vigilant for even the slightest sign of trouble!
Daisy: I'm sure that's so, Mr. Pettibone...in the Punjab. However, we're talking about children here, and one of them, albeit practically an adult at this time, was Gus Pike.
CP (nodding favorably): Ah yes, Mr. Pike. I remember him; obedient, responsible, quick to complete his assignments and comply with an order, without complaint. Excellent army material; perhaps even a candidate for officer in the academy.
Daisy: Well, that may be, but I believe Gus preferred his independence to a life circumscribed by rules and regulations, as most of us do.
CP: Laziness, my dear lady. Laziness and sloth prevent even the most promising among us from achieving that which they are capable of.
Daisy: Oh, but Gus wasn't lazy at all, Mr. Pettibone! True, he had been on his own for many years, but he'd long since given up the life of a vagabond, and was working as hard at the White Sands hotel as he did at school. He had ambition, a drive to succeed, and nobody ever had to tell him twice to do something! Mr. Pettibone, I can think of no finer example to the younger children in that schoolroom than Gus Pike; he had the kind of self-discipline that can't be taught; it comes from somewhere deep within!
CP (shrewdly): I can see you think very highly of Mr. Pike. To his credit, he has many of the qualities that I cultivated in my own children; a pity that he remained unable to make full use of his potential.
Daisy (defensively): I should think it was a matter of circumstances, and not any lack of effort, or commitment, on his part, Mr. Pettibone. Why, if Gus had a mind to it, he could have gone anywhere in the world he wanted, and with an education, made himself adecent livelihood; his knowledge of sailing and cargo, for example...
CP: Was of no avail to him in Avonlea, Ms. Morris. Better for the lad to have made a life for himself first, before trying to attach himself to someone still in the schoolroom.
Daisy: Ah; I suppose you mean Felicity.
CP: Indeed I do; a young lady suited for higher education and great accomplishment, if ever there was one! Much like her redoubtable Aunt Hetty King.
Daisy: Redoubtable, yes, Mr. Pettibone. She certainly held her own against you, and against any other man in her vicinity, for that matter!
CP (sternly): Women, in general, are simple-minded, weak-willed flibbertigibbets; while I find it refreshing to be in the company of those few who are not, I hardly think the male sex need fear anything from the likes of Hetty King.
Daisy (getting her dander up): Now then, Mr. Pettibone. You say that about a respectable, respected, published author who is in every way your equal. The only difference is that you are male, and she, female.
CP (with some arrogance): And quite a difference it is, Ms. Morris! I'll grant you that women are capable of writing and publishing, but when it comes to life experience, any man, including Gus Pike, has more knowledge and practical information that can be put to use than any romantic-minded, mis-informed female, try as she might.
Daisy: Now, just a moment, Mr. Pettibone! We now live in a new century; a new millenium!
CP: For certes we do, God help us all!
Daisy (firmly): And the lives of women have changed considerably; are STILL changing! Far from not having any "life-experience", as you put it, women are now to be found in all corners of the world, in all aspects of life, without surrendering their femininity or value in the traditional home! Why, I'll have you know, Mr. Pettibone, that in addition to raising a family, I'm also a singer, AND a writer!
CP: Feminine fol-de-rol, no doubt! What works have you had published?
Daisy (hesitating): Well...none, yet, I'm afraid. I've come awfully close a few times though... (Aside) There WAS Green Eggs and Hamlet (To Mr. Pettibone) And I know successful female authors who are in the process of being, or have been published! Now then, if we could change the topic of conversation back to Gus Pike...
CP: I see. So you admit that you have not one work of fiction to your credit published, and, lacking any further means at your disposal, resort to... (Pete enters.) I beg your pardon young man, what is the meaning of this interruption?
Pete (apologetically): I'm sorry Daisy, really I am, but...the boss wants to speak to you. It's--
Daisy (striving for nonchalance): Why Peter, I'm obviously in the midst of an interview; it'll simply have to wait until we're done! Now then, Mr. Pettibone, if you would...
Pete (authoritatively): No Daisy. The boss is waiting to speak to you RIGHT NOW. He says it won't wait, and neither will he.
Daisy (rising, in confusion): Very well...Mr. Pettibone, please excuse me; I apologise profusely to all our listeners for this interruption; it is most unprecedented. I'll return shortly...in the meantime, Mr. Pettibone, perhaps you could tell our audience about some of your adventures in the Punjab, and how you were able to exert discipline and self-control in even the most dangerous and death-defying situations!
CP: Certainly, Ms. Morris. A resourceful gentleman is always prepared for any emergency. Now then, as I recall it, the sorties against the Kashmiri rebels had been increasing in the autumn of '05, making it necessary for us to...
Daisy: Pete, what's going on??!
Pete: Daisy...it was him. Last night, in his office. You brained the boss with my flashlight, and now he wants to talk to you on his private line. Guess you were right about one thing.
Daisy (stunned): Uh...what's that, Pete?
Pete: You finally got him to talk. (He hands her the phone. Several beats.)
Daisy: Ah.....hello?
Boss: Ms. Morris, I understand that you are responsible for the stitches on my brow which were treated at the emergency room last night.
Daisy (wilting): Stitches? Oh my...stitches...oh my...well, you see, I can explain...
Boss: I'm sure you can, Ms. Morris, but I believe I can provide a better explanation myself. You were obviously meddling in something last night that is no concern of yours; in the process, you engaged in such questionable activities as breaking and entering, stealing, damaging property, and assault. What have you to say for yourself?
(A pause, then...)
Daisy (drawing herself up): Only this, Mr. XXXXXXXXXX1. If I have erred, I've done so because I can no longer work with someone who remains a complete cipher, not only to me, but to the rest of his staff as well. I appreciate and respect your right to privacy, but I find it increasingly difficult, in fact, even impossible, to continue working here under the terms and agreements, which you yourself have altered to suit your needs, in good faith. I never meant for things to come to such a sorry pass, but now that they have....I'm sure you'll want to terminate my contract, and my employment. Well...I'll save you the trouble. I'm giving you my two weeks' notice... (with bitter sarcasm) ...I'll send it in writing, of course; business as usual! In the meantime, I hope you'll excuse me...I still I have an interview waiting to be finished.
(Several beats.)
Boss: You really wish to tender your resignation to me?
Daisy: Yes! I do! (She's beginning to quiver.) I know what I've done is inexcusable, and I'm ashamed of it now! I suppose I just needed to know that there was a real person of flesh and blood out there, and not some programmed automaton giving orders... (Then, breaking off abruptly...) I'm sorry, terribly sorry. I promise, I won't indulge in any more unprofessional outbursts.
(Daisy leaves the room. Silence.)
(Back in the studio...)
Daisy: Well, Mr. Pettibone, I see that you and Peter have been holding down the fort, if you'll allow the allusion!
CP (briskly): Yes indeed, Ms. Morris! I found him an avid and enthusiastic listener, and your audience now knows how to defend itself against a surprise ambush in the Punjab from savages, and the attacks of a saber-toothed tiger!
Daisy (faltering slightly): Thank you, Peter, for staying, and you, Mr. Pettibone...I...I'm afraid I'm at a loss to continue just now...
CP (with a flash of insight): "My dear Ms. Morris, I know someone who once found themselves in the same situation I believe you to be in now. A wise, and perceptive FEMALE spoke to me, and made me realize that there is sometimes more good to be achieved in compromise, rather than confrontation... (He is regarding Daisy shrewdly.) If you'll permit me to end the interview now, Ms. Morris, I've an errand I must devote myself to, without delay!
(Clive rises abruptly from his chair.)
Daisy: Oh dear! Mr. Pettibone, I haven't even had time to close the interview properly, and say goodbye!
CP (taking her hand in his): Dear lady...the young gentleman over there explained a few things to me, and to your audience; no, don't be alarmed! I had a stimulating conversation with you, which I confess I thoroughly enjoyed, and it behooves me now to repay you for the favour you granted me; I can see that there is still one thing that is often worse than the female propensity to meddling.
Daisy (a bit uncertainly): And what is that, Mr. Pettibone?
CP (smiling slowly): The male ego...your servant, Ms. Morris.
(Later...)
Pete: Daisy...I'm really sorry to hear you're leaving...everybody's talking about it in the staff room. We're thinking of getting a petition started to...
Daisy (slowly): I'm not leaving, Pete.
Pete: Just a minute, Daisy, we're going to get a petition started so the boss will see how many people really...what did you say?
Daisy (smiling): I'm not leaving; I found this on my desk about half an hour ago, and I've been pondering it ever since. (Daisy hands him a sheet of paper.)
Pete (reading aloud): "To Ms. Daisy Morris--I found myself today in the unusual position of examining weights and measures, and during that examination, realized that I was found wanting in the balance. There is only one equalizer to restore justice and equity; if you remain here and finish the interview series, as agreed to in the terms and conditions of your contract, I hereby put myself under contract, to build and maintain a more personal approach, through verbal communication and dialogue, to achieve our goals in a unanimous, mutually beneficial partnership. As token of my good faith, I affix something which you may keep as a reminder of my promise. I remain, yours, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX." (Then, quietly...) Wow. Coming from the boss, that's quite a concession!
Daisy: Yes, I know it is....I guess we both deserve a second chance.
Pete (leaning closer): What's that little silver thing taped to the letter?
Daisy (smiling): It's a set of scales, Pete...with a piece of chocolate on either side...
* * * * *
1 It is unknown at this time who the mysterious boss is.
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